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Do independent women scare male senior daters away?

independent-older-woman-225x300That was the interesting question that one of my readers asked me recently.   While society's values have shifted significantly over the last 50 years, most of my senior daters were raised with the "old fashioned" ideals where the man was the bread winner and the woman stayed at home.

Time changed all of that however and women began seeking meaningful careers outside the home, out of a need for both personal growth and financial necessity.

So lets fast-forward about 40 years or so and look at the online dating scene as a senior nowadays. There are a lot of men whose former housewives are a sharp contrast to some of the independent, computer savvy career women who they will meet on senior dating sites.   Can they form meaningful relationships?   Well I believe they can as long as both parties keep some vital information in mind.

First of all it is important to remember what you both are looking for.   Most senior daters are looking for companionship with a significant other – someone to go out with and have fun and potentially develop a meaningful relationship.   So when you meet someone online, if you give yourself enough time to get to know each other, you should be able to see if this person is a good personality match for you and if you have some common interests.

If, however, it is going to end up in a power struggle because you are both stuck in your mindsets of being "the boss" in your life and with others around you, you will have to realize that the relationship will not move forward.   In fact, you may find yourself constantly hitting barriers if this is the impression you are giving potential partners.   If these values are set in stone for you then be honest and upfront with an online interest and move on. If you do however want to keep an open mind and open your heart to new possibilities, then read on.

Not to sound patronizing, but we must remember a key component of ALL relationships (marriage, friendships, parent-child, work etc) is COMPROMISE.   If you are willing to compromise a little you will have a much greater chance of finding a successful relationship with someone you meet online.

What I am talking about specifically here is this.   Men – if you are intimidated by the women you meet who have had successful careers (perhaps they have reached the senior executive or ownership level) this is not something you should feel insecure about.

You are at a stage in your life now where meeting someone who is also financially secure is a good thing. And because of her career, she will likely be a great social companion and someone who isn't afraid of meeting new people and doing new things. No wall-flowers here, unless of course that is what you are looking for.

The fact that your lady friend has accomplished what she has in life is a positive sign of her strength, ability and perseverance. If you discover many other things in common it shouldn't matter if you didn't have a similar level of achievement in your career. It isn't a contest and life is very different now. Your future is not about planning for retirement and saving for education funds and building a four bedroom house in the suburbs. Your future is about ENJOYING your retirement NOW and what better way to do that than with someone who you really like.   If you both have the funds it also gives you some pretty nice options for places to travel and things to do together.

Women — you have to remember one thing.   The majority of men that you are meeting are from the "old school" of how a man treats a woman.   This generation and their view of women is a dying breed and oftentimes their younger counterparts have no clue about opening doors for women and doing the little things that can make a woman feel very special on a date.  So enjoy it ladies and embrace it.  If your date starts trying to control you however, then this is not gentlemanly behaviour so see this as a sign that you should run for the hills!

The other thing that you want to keep in mind is that when you meet someone online, if you are worried about scaring someone off because of your success, play it down initially.  I am not saying that you shouldn't be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished — not at all.  Personal security is an even bigger reason to always be guarded about how much information you give about yourself anyway.   You want to get to know someone and have them like you for YOU, not see you as a threat or conversely as a meal ticket because of your success in life.   "Baby steps" is the best approach with giving information about yourself so you know it's a true personality-match taking place.

You must realize that you have both had a great deal of experience in your individual lives that makes you who you are and it is not easy to weave lives together that have been very different. But we all know that nothing worthwhile is easy, and with a little compromise on both your parts you can turn your connection into something really wonderful.

5 Responses to “Do independent women scare male senior daters away?”

  1.  Chris A. says:

    It seems to me like some senior men will be intimidated by an independent woman. Shouldn't that relieve the independent one, knowing that he won't hang around to try to dominate her life?

    Others of us are looking precisely for that woman. I know I don't want to be needed, I want to be wanted. A strong, independent woman, to me, is an interesting woman who is far more likely to be fun, friendly and fascinating. She has done interesting things. She has thoughts and ideas that, gasp, might challenge my own! I might even learn something. That sounds like a good time, to me.

    Posted on 15-Dec-14 at 1:40 pm | Permalink
  2.  Scott Wallace says:

    The stereotypes you perpetuate about men are insulting to say the least. These so called strong successful liberated women do want to call all the shots- which is fine by itself(surprised). The hypocritical part is that they still expect that the man will pay for everything. Most windup with significantly younger men who they can dominate, have a superficial relationship and get sex. These are the so called pro-sex feminists. They remind me of the sleezy males every man knows. These are the males that partake in sexual tourism and usually wind up exploiting younger women. Except now when it comes to older women its referred to as Romance Tourism by the pro-sex feminists and giggled at.
    What I also notice in older women is that many have hit an estrogen wall- that is there is almost zero femininity in their voices or mannerisms. It has nothing to do with how assertive they are

    Posted on 25-Jan-15 at 9:05 pm | Permalink
  3.  Linda says:

    Dear Scott,

    I am sorry with all my Heart that your past experienced with women is not the best, but you are not alone.
    As a woman, it hurts to hear that many men are not been Lucky with their involvement with women. To be fair many of us in the World of female we are not treated as human in some countries.

    I really do understand how you feel because in the game of love only very few find their Places it's just like gambling no one knows whether to win or lose.
    If only you are nearer I would like to be your friend and make your life comfortable with women the way we are.

    Cheer up you have all the opportunity to meet your lady queen. All the best of Luck

    Posted on 21-May-15 at 4:14 am | Permalink
  4.  Sara says:

    @Scott Wallace

    I'm sorry but as a strong liberated woman I never expect a man to pay for everything if you referring for dinner dates.I always insist that I want to go dutch.

    Speaking of older women who are with younger men,I must said I'm not interested in dominating them infact they're the one who hit on me.

    And no do not equate us with those 'males that partake in sexual tourism and usually wind up exploiting younger women'

    We do not exploit anyone…

    Hit an estrogen wall?

    Well at least the younger males are filled with testerone

    Posted on 24-Sep-15 at 4:20 am | Permalink
  5.  TheTruthTeller says:

    Absolutely since most of them are very money hungry which they carry their greed and selfishness wherever they go.

    Posted on 25-Dec-15 at 8:32 am | Permalink

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About This Site

Kathy Damer studied Sociology at University and has worked as a marketing executive in the Retirement and Senior care industries for many years. Kathy has a deep understanding of the issues unique to senior dating and relationships and has been featured on the radio.

Kathy founded senior-dating.org as a way to provide free advice and resources for anyone looking to enter the world of senior dating. Please feel free to send Kathy your questions, comments and suggestions for topics that you would like to see covered.

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