Dear Kathy, I have been out of a long term relationship for 5 months now. I am a 58-year-old young at heart guy and in decent shape for an “old guy”. I live in a small town and I’m embarrassed to post my picture on an online dating site. I have taken good care of myself over the years and feel that if someone in town sees my pic I would ruin my chances to meet someone offline.
How do I protect myself from the local town rumor mill? I have a high profile in town and many people “know me”. Perhaps I should just cast my will to the wind like I’ve done in the past and just wait for the “right” person to come along. I’ve been an honest man most of my life and I know the internet is filled with many dishonest people. What to do??? Richard.
You have just come out of a long term relationship, so dating of any kind is all pretty new territory. I understand your desire for anonymity in your search for love online because you’re apprehensive about what some people may think of you, however I think you may be doing a lot of worrying over nothing.
Let me start by saying that you have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about! The internet has become the biggest forum for bringing people together and developing romance over the last decade.
Not only has internet dating lost the negative connotation that it may have had years ago, but it has become the preferred method for finding lasting relationships – far more than meeting people in bars. The very advanced online dating sites of today are all about true personality matching which is a much better basis for a lasting relationship than deciding if you like someone based on how they look and behave when you meet them in a bar.
I also think that as small as your town is, it is very unlikely your online dating secret will be discovered – unless you post it to your Facebook or some other social media site. Remember that you can only be seen by people who are also on the site who happen to match your personality profile or correspond with your categories of interest. That means that they are also looking for love online which means that they are just like you! It could actually be a bonus if you happened to match up with someone who lived close by rather than hitting it off with someone who is hours away.
It sounds like you need some reassurance that there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting yourself up on a couple of dating sites and seeing where it all may lead you. But you simply must include a picture of yourself otherwise you will raise a lot of red flags with the women who may be interested in your profile. Trust me, they will pass you by in a heartbeat if you don’t have enough confidence to put your picture up. Think about it – wouldn’t you be a bit concerned if you saw a woman’s profile that had no photo?
You still need to be cautious with anyone you meet, whether it’s online or elsewhere, but my advice is to just go for it. If anyone in your town were to confront you about this (which is highly unlikely) you could always say something like: “My niece (friend/co-worker/sister) put me up to it, and I’m a bit skeptical but you never know what might come out of it”. If it makes you feel better you can think of a good response like this to keep up your sleeve, but I seriously doubt you will ever need to use it.
I will leave you with a great quote that I just saw – this is good advice for all of us!
“Don’t worry what people say behind your back. They are the ones who would rather find faults in your life instead of fixing their own.”
Please keep reading my site for some valuable tips to help you safely embark on your online dating journey. And also remember that when it comes to dating, nothing ventured – nothing gained.