If it’s your first time on a senior dating site and you suddenly see a selection of attractive looking, smiling senior singles in your area, all wanting to meet someone, you could find the experience quite intoxicating!
The danger here is that you can become addicted and spend all your time online while neglecting other areas of your life. Keep one foot in the real world and don’t rule out traditional dating either. Give yourself a time limit to spend online each day (or every couple of days) and stick to it because minutes will quickly turn into hours and your day can easily be lost.
This is what one senior dater said to me: “When I first joined a dating site and starting communicating with some of the members, I got so wrapped up in it that I didn’t even hear the phone ring! It had been my sister calling and she was quite worried that I hadn’t answered.”
My advice to her was to set the kitchen timer in future so that she knows when it is time to shut off the computer. If you have a time parameter for being online, you will not overlook the other important things in your life. You can also let your dating site friends know what time you will be online, so they can be online at the same time too. This also shows them that you have an interesting life beyond the computer. Nothing is more intriguing than someone who has many interests to fill their hours.
Ok, you’re thinking, job done. I’ve signed up to my senior dating site, now all I have to do is sit back, relax and wait….and wait…and wait.. The truth is that’s all you’ll be doing if you don’t grab the bull by the horns and initiate a few contacts. Yes, it’s very important to be proactive, women in particular.
And I know I sound like a broken record but I can’t stress enough the importance of being positive in your contacts. In your initial emails, stick to the present and the future. Don’t talk about anything unhappy in your dim and distant past, especially failed romances, illness, financial woes, and strong opinions about religion and politics.
If you feel that there’s something vitally important for the other person to know, but it might put them off, then drip-feed them the information. By the time the whole story is out in the open they will probably have grown close enough to you that they will see it as no big deal.
You must remember to ask questions that are important to you during your initial email contact – but do not come across as overly nosey or pushy. This can be a big turn-off. And no matter how great someone seems, never be anxious to call or meet someone too soon. Let the anonymity of the internet and the dating site you have joined, allow you the time to really get to know someone before taking such a huge step.
What’s the rush anyway? Taking it slow can be a really enjoyable way to build the relationship. If you enter this territory too soon you may just find that this person was totally wrong for you and oops, they now have your home phone number and won’t leave you alone! Likewise, you should probably see it as a warning sign if someone is too anxious or pushy about meeting you. This could mean you will end up with a stalker, or a scammer or just someone who is overly needy. Trust me – none of these things are what you are looking for at this stage in your life.
We’ve all tweaked the truth just a little now and then – it’s human nature – and it would be unrealistic to think people didn’t do it online to enhance their prospects. But taking your time and being a bit of a detective before meeting up will increase your chances of spotting a liar.
Have a good read of their profile and look for any obvious inconsistencies. For example, they may describe themselves as a fun-loving night owl; so how come they ask you never to call them after 6pm? If you don’t trust someone, don’t be afraid to be a little challenging. Genuine people will, on the whole, understand you being a little cautious and won’t be bothered by it.
Another faux pas to make is sending mail to the wrong person, which can be embarrassing! If you have several prospects going on simultaneously (and most people do) keep a careful record of them, and never go online if you’re very tired or have had a little too much to drink!
Last but most important – don’t be shy! You may think that the person you like best is way out of your league but how will you know unless you go for it and see! After all, in the world of Senior Dating, my motto is “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Who knows? You could soon be laughing together over a steamy cappuccino.