And while it is good to find enjoyment in solitude, I think most would agree that the best fun comes out of spending time with people, and casual dating can be a wonderful enhancement to your life.  No one says you have to go out and remarry or get serious with someone – it’s entirely up to you to set the parameters of what you really want.

So, let’s delve into why my senior dater would have made this silly comment in the first place.

You are all alone and you are starting to believe that it is going to stay that way despite your deep desire to meet people and feel special again.  You have convinced yourself that no one will ever come close to your former partner who saw your true beauty.  You look in the mirror and you say to yourself that your “best years” are over and that no one will find you attractive enough to want to go out with you and it probably just isn’t worth the effort involved. It’s just easier to go on moping and maybe one day things will change. Maybe being sad and alone isn’t all bad.

You see the happy couples in ads on TV and you yearn for that kind of connection again, but then you convince yourself that relationships are only for young people. And then you start to think about your kids and your grandkids – what on earth would they think if you started dating?  You can already hear the dialogue in your head: “How could you do that to Dad?” “You are too old to date and this is embarrassing for me to have to explain to people. And what will the family say?”

Does any of this sound like that negative voice in your head?

If so then the most important thing you need to work on is your confidence, because until you build that up, it will be very difficult to get past this “woe is me” trap that we all can easily fall into.

A few articles back I touched on some suggestions to help rebuild your social life (clubs, groups, seniors’ centres, classes etc.) after the loss of a spouse.  Getting out socially, making new friends and acquaintances, and trying new things will help build up your confidence. It is amazing how good you feel when you try something new that you end up really enjoying.

The other advantage to building up a new social life and developing some new interests is that you are going to also be proving to your kids that you aren’t just a helpless old soul that needs to be taken care of . That’s not what they want you to be so you shouldn’t want it either. You are showing them independence and initiative and that you can take care of yourself. This will hopefully pave the way to an easier acceptance when you eventually re-enter the dating arena.

Once you start working on this “soul” homework you can look at the next phase which is to take a good look in the mirror. And I am not just talking to the ladies here.  Gentlemen!   Don’t forget, if you have been in a rut it makes sense that you may not have been too concerned about your appearance.  But a little effort in this area can make you feel like a million bucks!

The salon that your daughter or son goes to may be a bit pricey for your budget, but even if you go just once and get a really good cut that suits you, you know that they will do their best to make you happy if you’re the parent of  a regular client.  Get someone to take your photo after your new “do” so that you can show any salon exactly what you want for future cuts.  Also, try to ensure that if anyone suggests a little colour, PLEASE make sure that the new colour is right for you.  Just because you had ebony hair when you were 25 doesn’t mean it will suit you now. An unsuitable colour can be very aging and ruin your whole look. And for all you colour-do-it-yourselfers, use caution and get some advice!

As far as the wardrobe goes, start with a bit of purging.  If you haven’t worn it in a LONG time (five years or more) it is probably out of style, and likely wont fit properly anyway so give it away to a charity.  If you aren’t sure if something suits you or is outdated, ask someone.  I remember my Uncle Bert, who loved his baby blue polyester leisure suits and wore them right into the new millennium, even though they were only fashionable in the seventies. UGH!!  If there are any Uncle Berts among my senior daters reading this, PLEASE get rid of those suits!!

When you go shopping, take a friend or family member who is patient, has a good sense of modern style and is not in any way competitive with you.  This way you will get some help picking out some new pieces that you can wear with confidence.  And remember if everyone told you that pink was your best colour when you were younger, I am sure it still is one of your best shades.  So if you don’t know where to start on the colour wheel, stick with colours that you have always been complemented on wearing, but maybe try a shade or two brighter than you used to wear since your hair and complexion may be different now.

If you really feel you want to splurge on a complete makeover, do an internet search for image consultants in your area to see if you can find someone who may specialize in seniors’ makeovers. Don’t be afraid to ask to see their success stories in a portfolio before you decide. After all, you will be putting yourself in their hands and you want to make sure your money is well spent.  I recently discovered that some cosmetology programs at community colleges will offer free makeovers to seniors – but remember they are students, so you are their homework!

For those of you who are suffering in the confidence department, hopefully some of these suggestions will help put you back on track. Start with some changes in your life to get out of the house and meet people and the rest will all follow naturally as you begin to feel better about yourself. And please stop listening to the negative “what ifs” that keep floating around your head.  Instead think positive so you can get out there and enjoy your life. You will be amazed at how wonderful you can feel about yourself.

Well, now that summer is here (and a full-on heat wave is occurring in my little corner of the world) it’s crucial, whether you’re out on a date or just going about your normal business, that you’re properly prepared to deal with the heat and extreme sunshine.

#1. Hydration. When you go out, carry a water bottle with you. Even if you find it heavy to carry, take it with you but only fill it half full. You will amaze yourself at how quickly you dehydrate in very hot weather. When it is hot you need to drink as much water as possible to keep yourself hydrated because your body needs it to function and to keep cool. Juices are fine in moderation, and while a little sugar is good for your energy level, be cautious about over-doing juices and sodas because they do contain high levels of sugar.

#2. Sunscreen. With the thinning ozone, the time that it takes for our skin to burn is far quicker than it ever was. Even if your good genes have never given you any reason to worry about skin cancer, there is incredible discomfort that comes with a bad sunburn.

Along with feeling like your epidermis is on fire, your body feels like it is running a high fever and this will keep you from having a good night’s sleep. And if it is a bad burn the discomfort can last a few days. Take it from one who has suffered many sunburns over the years and has the scars of skin cancer removal to prove it. An ounce of prevention is so worth it.

#3. Wear a hat. Even if you can’t find one that you think suits you or you just had your hair done and you are worried about dreaded “hat head”, this is extremely important to prevent sunstroke. Even the best sunscreen cannot protect the top of your head and sunstroke is something we all need to be concerned about – especially seniors.

Did you know that even certain medications (antidepressants, beta blockers and diuretics) can make you more susceptible to the effects of the sun? Sunstroke can start with a rise in heart rate and headache, and it can progress to mental and verbal confusion and even loss of consciousness. People actually can end up hospitalized in severe cases. While direct sun is the main cause and a hat will protect your noggin, extreme heat in general and dehydration can also be the cause.

#4. Enjoy the great indoors. What am I blathering about you ask? Well, when it is just too hot sometimes you just have to stay inside and enjoy that beautiful invention we call air conditioning! If you have any worries about your health and how the heat may be detrimental to your well being, stay inside and read a book, watch TV, do some crafts, clean out a closet or go online. Just because it is nice outside, doesn’t mean it is right for you to be out there for extended periods of time.

Let’s keep these simple tips in mind and carry on enjoying the summer!

It occurred to me that before we can talk about picking a site, setting up a profile and considering all the “dos and don’ts”, we should look at this situation that many find themselves in and consider the major changes in our lives that eventually lead us to being ready for senior dating.

I have heard similar stories from other seniors I have known, so you’ll know you aren’t alone if any of this strikes a familiar chord.

Many of you were in long term marriages and had a circle of friends, usually couples that your social life revolved around. These couples you may have raised your kids with, travelled with, gone to parties with, played bridge with, belonged to supper clubs with, gone sailing with, lawn bowled with, or even just had a regular evening at each others homes.

All these years have passed and you suddenly find yourself alone. Your partner has died or divorced you and you may feel utterly lost. Your natural instinct is to find comfort in all your old friends, but slowly you realize your place in the group was dependent on your “coupleness”, and you are made to feel like the fifth wheel.

The once happy welcome you used to receive isn’t there any more and the invitations are dwindling. No one can seem to relate to you without your other half. They may find discussing your loss depressing or they don’t want to face the fact that they may find themselves in the same position one day. Maybe some even see your sudden “availability” as a threat to their own relationships. It’s incredibly unfair and selfish that “friends” could abandon each other like this. But they do.

So now what? Well unfortunately this is the bumpy part of the journey that brings you to a fork in the road. (We always hate these forks in the road because they usually lead to the thing we dread the most – change.) This is the point when all old friends who just aren’t there anymore have to be put to one side (if they suddenly have a crisis of conscience, let them come back to you!) and new friendships have to be pursued.

Now you will be standing on your own feet and letting your own light shine. When you find yourself in new social situations remind yourself of your many qualities and talents and that you are complete as an individual – not just as a half of a couple. You have a lot to offer as a friend and do not let the bad experiences tell you otherwise.

One thing to consider if you find yourself in this troubling situation, and you cannot seem to shift the sadness, is a grief workshop. Here they can help you, not just through the grieving process of losing your spouse, but also adjusting to the incredible changes that you are faced with (including the loss of life-long friendships). Here you will learn the tools to begin the healing process which is where you need to start before you can ever consider another relationship.

Once you start to feel that you are beginning to come out of the darkness, consider book clubs, fitness classes (great place to meet friends – every seniors centre will offer them), garden clubs, lunch clubs, consider going back to school or go on a cruise or organized tour of a place you always wanted to see. There are so many places to make new friends – and sharing something in common is the best place to start.

Even if your friends have been there for you through your loss, you need to make sure you are ready for the next phase of your journey. Spending some time developing your interests and changing the way you have always put others first (spouse, friends and kids) to putting yourself first for a change, will help to refocus you.

Believe it or not this will be an incredible time in your life where it’s all about you now! You have done your work raising your family and being a good partner. You get to choose the people you want as friends and your time is your own, so spend it wisely to find out what makes you tick and associate with people who make you feel good.

This will boost your confidence tremendously and when you are ready, you will be able to embark on the senior dating journey.

Keep in mind you have probably been out of the dating scene for quite a while and you and your former partner probably shared the same feelings about politics, religion, family and finances – or at least you learned to live with each other’s differing opinions on the topics over the years.  Now it’s a whole new ball game.  You are in unchartered territory, meeting new people under new circumstances in a very different world.

Try to remember that in order to make a good first impression, it’s extremely important to keep the conversation light, and positive.  As the relationship develops, so too will a  comfort level with your new partner meaning that things will naturally be revealed in time about both of you.  Hopefully by that time, mutual feelings about each other will trump differences in opinion about politics.  But discussing these things too early in the game may spoil your chances of seeing where the relationship could have gone. You may decide to go on a negative rant about a politician and then you learn that your date was a major financial contributor to that campaign.  Oops!

Or you may have lost your former spouse to a horrible illness and you decide to tell your date the whole story and you end up in tears.  As significant as that event was in your life, you have to understand that doing this will likely not only alter the positive mood that you need on a date, but alter your date’s perception of you. They might think you are not over your former partner, so they may want to steer clear of getting involved with you.

So avoiding these 5 conversation topics will help you not to put your foot in your mouth!

(1)  Illness of yours or a family member (past or present).  If you have to bring it up, keep it very brief, and then say: “That is too depressing to talk about, I am here to get to know YOU!”

(2)  Death of a spouse – fine to mention that this is how you ended up single, but do not dwell on the details and run the risk of becoming emotional, and displaying all your baggage.

(3)  Divorce – like death, this can be a downer.  No one wants to hear how badly you were abused by your ex and all the details of your court battle.  It is fine to say you are divorced, but end it at that.

(4)  Financial issues, good or bad.  This is something that could indicate you are well off and make you easy prey for someone you don’t yet really know.  Conversely if you are having a tough time, your date may think you are looking for a meal ticket.  Either way this topic is something you should be extremely guarded about.

(5) Religion, race and politics.  Very hot topics that can seriously blow any chances of moving the relationship forward if discussed too early when you haven’t established enough of a rapport with someone.

If your date hasn’t read my column and doesn’t realize that these things are taboo and begins to delve into one or more of these areas, you can try to use your power of persuasion to steer them away from these downer subjects.  Say something like: “I can only imagine how you feel, but we have such little time on our date.  Let’s talk about things right now that make us both feel good to talk about.”

Hopefully they take the bait and change the subject so that you can see if this person is open-minded and not stuck in a negative mindset.  Some things you can overlook if you are genuinely interested in the person, other things can become huge stumbling blocks that cannot be overcome if the negatives outweigh the positives.  Let your instincts tell you if this person is right or not.

Remember that you’ll both likely be a bit nervous, and it’s okay to break the ice by saying that or making a little joke about it. Say something like: “I haven’t been this nervous since I went on my first date when I was seventeen!”

If you sense that your nerves are giving you a bit of verbal diarrhea, take a breath and deliberately turn the stage over to your date.   It’s important to ensure that the conversation is not one-sided – neither you nor your date should be doing ALL the talking.  For example, you have been chatting about how you love travelling and suddenly realize that you have started a dissertation about every place you have ever visited as if you were making a documentary for National Geographic!

Stop, and ask your date where is the most memorable place that they’ve ever visited, and let him or her elaborate.

Nerves can also make people clam up so if this happens, put on your listening cap and ask questions to draw your date out. “What was the food like?”  “Did you go on any sight-seeing tours?”  “What made you want to go to Ireland?”  “How did you find the people there – I hear the Irish are very friendly and fun loving.”

Here are five good topics for conversation to help keep things light.  They will help you discover some interesting things about your date and most importantly the interests you share in common:

(1) Hobbies – what kinds of things do you love to do?  Think of things that you do to make you happy and talk about it.  Maybe it is a pastime like genealogy or quilting.  Maybe cooking is your thing, or maybe you volunteer at the local hospital.  Don’t assume that reading is bland and boring.  Your discussion about favourite authors, books, plays and movies can be a great way to discover your shared passions.

(2) Travel – places you have been or would love to go.  This doesn’t have to mean exotic international destinations; it could mean a great resort in cottage country two hours away that you visited.

(3) Favourite foods.  This is a great way to see how open-minded and flexible your date is plus it is a good way to find a common ground for a potential future meal together.  You may just discover that your date loves Indian food as much as you do!

(4) Exercise and fitness.  This is another good way to discover commonalities for a future date.  Maybe you both love to walk, or sail or do Tai Chi.  Imagine planning a picnic in a place near the boardwalk where you can walk for a mile together and enjoy each other’s conversation, while taking in the fresh air and beautiful scenery.

(5) Family – talk about your kids and grandkids in general terms, but be cautious not to blather on and on about them.  You may be very proud that your daughter graduated from Harvard with her PhD in law and your son is the chief surgeon at some huge hospital, but if you spend two hours talking about them and their accomplishments it takes the spotlight away from YOU.

Remember that the purpose of the date is for you and your date to get to know each other – not each other’s kids!  Also if your date has kids but doesn’t really want to talk about them, this may be a signal that there is some trouble in paradise.  This will all reveal itself naturally as the relationship develops but don’t talk too much about your kids if you sense that this may be an uncomfortable subject for your date.  Remember to find the common ground!

If you are not much of a drinker, or allergic to cigarette smoke, don’t be afraid to say so.  If your date drinks heavily and smokes like a chimney, these behaviours are difficult to change in people, so they can end up being deal breakers.  But it is better to get that on the table early on.

If there is a real connection between the two of you however, your date can decide how and if they want to adjust their habits to accommodate you, especially if you have a health issue associated with those habits.  Conversely YOU may be the one with the habits that offend your date.  You may be faced with a situation where you have to consider whether you like this person enough to want to change to be considerate to their needs.

Remember, try to vary the conversation up so that you cover a variety of subjects and try to avoid all the negatives and deeply personal things.  If the relationship develops, your ability to share your personal life will gradually happen in time, so don’t be in a rush to talk about it on the first date.

It’s imperative in the early days to find as much common ground as you can, on which to build the foundation of the relationship.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about things that make you unique and special, on the contrary.  But try to read your date’s signals of what to talk about and what NOT to talk about.  While it’s important to draw conversation out of your date by asking questions if they are nervously quiet, don’t push too hard.  Try a little humour to relax them.

If you end up with someone who doesn’t let you get a word in, you will have to judge for yourself if this person is an arrogant boor who loves to talk about themselves, or if they are just so nervous, they don’t know when to stop.  You will know whether or not you want to give them another chance by going on a second date.  Just remember that you are both in the same boat, but your date may not have had the benefit of the insightful Senior Dating advice that you have!

This week I want to talk about a few other warning signs that indicate that your potential date may not be genuine. Here are some other red flags you should be aware of:

(1) Resistance to allowing you to call their home or telling you not to call at certain times for what seem like odd reasons. If this becomes a consistent pattern, you must consider the possibility that they may be married and that you’re being considered for a fling on the side.

(2) Resistance to meeting your family once you’ve gone on dates together. Someone open and honest – even if they are extremely shy – will want to meet your family and friends, especially if it’s important to you.

(3) Resistance to telling you about themselves – they only seem to want to know about you. Don’t confuse someone who is a great listener with someone who is being secretive and guarded.

(4) The stories that you’re being told seem ‘larger than life’. Let your ‘common sense radar’ guide you when you are being told about the 100-foot yacht in Monaco, the celebrity parties and the Pied-à-terre in Paris! Sorry for the cliché, but if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

(5) When you are chatting online you don’t feel that you have their undivided attention because there are really long delays waiting for a response. They could legitimately be slow at typing – especially if they are new to using a computer. Or they could be having multiple online conversations at one time. If you have just met them, this may not be much of an issue. But if you have spent weeks getting to know this person online, you may want to delay any physical meetings if you feel they don’t see the same relationship potential in you that you see in them.

(6) Remember that anyone who is genuinely trying to win your affection will understand and respect your caution and your concern for safety, because they are in the exact same boat. If they are in this for the right reasons, they will want to know that you are too.

Online dating can be a wonderful means to finding the partner of your dreams, but as with anything you should exercise caution and maintaining your personal safety is always rule number one. Be safe and have fun!

So what does this have to do with a dating site you ask?

Unfortunately, the anonymity of the internet makes it a perfect place for con artists to hide their real intentions while trying to entrap their victims under the guise of romantic interest.

Don’t get me wrong, the vast majority of members of reputable dating sites (both paid and free) are legitimately looking for a sincere match, but there are red flags that you should look out for when embarking on the journey of online dating for the first time. By-the-way these rules apply to anyone of any age!

Red Flag #1

If someone is too interested – too quickly – in getting to know you beyond the safety of your computer, this could indicate a problem. If you have just met someone online and they are trying to encourage a meet-up before you really know them, they may not just be overly eager.

Let your relationship take a slow and steady natural course of events and let your gut decide when it is right to call them.  I would suggest no less than a month of chatting online before calling them – but this should only happen when you feel totally comfortable doing so.

Remember that when you give out your number, unless it is an unlisted number, you are giving out your address as well. People can easily do a reverse look-up on a phone number and see where you live. Whether their purpose is dangerous or just desperate, you want to steer clear of both of these.

Red Flag #2

When you do finally decide to meet up, decide on a neutral and safe location (a restaurant or a café) and have a friend or family member bring you and let them meet your date.  If you cannot arrange this, make sure you tell someone close to you about your plans. Include the name of the person you are meeting, where you are meeting them and when you expect to be home.  Write down any personal information that you have on your date also – like an address or cell phone number, and the dating site you met them on – and give it to your friend or family member.

Then tell your date that you are doing this.  Blame it on your overly protective friend or family if you feel awkward about it.  If your date has any issue with this and gets angry or cancels your plans at the last minute then this is a huge indicator that they may not be legitimate.  If they don’t respect your need to be cautious, then move on.

Red Flag #3

If anyone wants you to give them any personal information be extremely guarded. Never give out banking information, details of how much your stock portfolio is worth, or the value of your home.  And NEVER give money if it is asked for – even if they seem like a genuine person.  Scam artists are exceptionally good at seeming like really nice people who just happen to need a few hundred dollars for some emergency!

That’s all for now.  Next week, I’ll talk about a few other things to be wary of, but the important thing to remember is that the overwhelming majority of people that you’ll encounter are there for the same reasons as you!

But the truth is that the little choices we make each day can make a big difference to our health and quality of life – particularly in our senior years.

I’ve just finished reading a comprehensive study of health and aging which was published last year by Dr. Laurel B. Yates, a specialist in Gerontology from the Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. The findings make interesting reading.

Dr. Yates studied more than 2000 healthy men, beginning back in 1981. When the study concluded, 970 men had survived into their 90s which shows how many of us are now living longer and healthier lives.

Smoking was the single most important factor in predicting longevity. Smokers had double the risk of not living into their 90s as non-smokers.

The second most important factor was diabetes. Folks without diabetes had an 86% greater survival rate into their 90s than folks with diabetes. Of course many people find they can manage their diabetes very well through modifying their diet.

Maintaining a normal weight increased survival rates by 44% compared to those who were overweight.

Having a normal blood-pressure was also important. It increased survival rates by 28%.

Finally, exercise contributed to longevity between 20-30% depending on how regularly and vigorously people exercised.

What I found really interesting about this study was that it didn’t show any significant connection between either high cholesterol or alcohol consumption (within reason) and longevity. So let’s raise a glass to that!

So how do you get the most out of your senior dating experience, and maximize your chances of success?

Well, there is so much I can say about this, but let’s start with your senior dating site profile – how you describe yourself and what you are looking for in a match.

Remember the golden rule “honesty is the best policy”? Well that definitely holds true if you are looking to make a match online, so be honest in your profile. Have a relatively current photo (as flattering as possible), and be as honest as possible about things like age, height and if you are carrying a few extra pounds – the truth will come out sooner or later if you end up making a connection. Stay true to your values – unless you are only looking for very superficial relationships – this will ultimately help you to make the best quality and lasting connections.

Periodically revisit your profile and update anything that may be helpful in making your profile as interesting as possible. Always try to see your profile as others see it. You can always create an online photo album which will enable you to show yourself in the best light possible, doing things that reflect the real you. This will generate much more interest in your profile. Just remember to vary the photos it contains and treat it as an opportunity to be creative with how you present yourself.

When it comes to filling out the section of your profile that indicates what you are looking for in a partner beware of being too demanding and seeking perfection. Let’s face it, no one is perfect. By being too picky you might exclude a lot of potentially good quality matches and make people intimidated about contacting you if they do not see themselves in your league.

You’ll find more success by settling a bit longer with someone that truly interests you, and giving yourself the chance to see past any minor imperfections to discover the real person inside. You will soon learn if they could be a good match for you to go on to speak to them on the phone and potentially meet up with them.

Has anything fresh and exciting happened to you recently? If so, include it in your profile. Maybe you have been on a Mediterranean cruise recently or volunteered at the local food bank. Or maybe you just took some classes that you are excited about. You never know, it might attract a new prospect that may have previously overlooked you.

Take a look at the kind of responses you’re getting and see if there’s a pattern emerging. It could be a reflection on how you wrote your bio (if the site requires this). For example, if your bio is too whimsical or sarcastic, you may not get the serious response that you are hoping for.

Also be cautious about talking about political or religious beliefs and avoid any health or financial problems you may be experiencing. I remember talking to one senior online dater recently who told me “Some men only see me as either a nurse or a purse – and I don’t want to be either of those things. I want to have some fun at this stage of my life and meet quality people who are interested in the person I am.”

Keep in mind if you come across as despondent, desperate or jaded, you may be losing out on a lot of quality matches because you have put them off with all your negativity. There are other mistakes to avoid but the important thing is to remember to stay as positive as possible – no matter how many bumps you have stumbled on in life. The best first impressions will take you the farthest in any situation and it is especially important in the online dating forum.

Finally, relax and enjoy the experience. Don’t forget that senior dating should be fun and the person you’ve been looking for is probably out there now, in just the same position as you. Every day, many people are finding love and companionship through senior dating and it can happen to you too!

If it’s your first time on a senior dating site and you suddenly see a selection of attractive looking, smiling senior singles in your area, all wanting to meet someone, you could find the experience quite intoxicating!

The danger here is that you can become addicted and spend all your time online while neglecting other areas of your life. Keep one foot in the real world and don’t rule out traditional dating either. Give yourself a time limit to spend online each day (or every couple of days) and stick to it because minutes will quickly turn into hours and your day can easily be lost.

This is what one senior dater said to me: “When I first joined a dating site and starting communicating with some of the members, I got so wrapped up in it that I didn’t even hear the phone ring! It had been my sister calling and she was quite worried that I hadn’t answered.”

My advice to her was to set the kitchen timer in future so that she knows when it is time to shut off the computer. If you have a time parameter for being online, you will not overlook the other important things in your life. You can also let your dating site friends know what time you will be online, so they can be online at the same time too. This also shows them that you have an interesting life beyond the computer. Nothing is more intriguing than someone who has many interests to fill their hours.

Ok, you’re thinking, job done. I’ve signed up to my senior dating site, now all I have to do is sit back, relax and wait….and wait…and wait.. The truth is that’s all you’ll be doing if you don’t grab the bull by the horns and initiate a few contacts. Yes, it’s very important to be proactive, women in particular.

And I know I sound like a broken record but I can’t stress enough the importance of being positive in your contacts. In your initial emails, stick to the present and the future. Don’t talk about anything unhappy in your dim and distant past, especially failed romances, illness, financial woes, and strong opinions about religion and politics.

If you feel that there’s something vitally important for the other person to know, but it might put them off, then drip-feed them the information. By the time the whole story is out in the open they will probably have grown close enough to you that they will see it as no big deal.

You must remember to ask questions that are important to you during your initial email contact – but do not come across as overly nosey or pushy. This can be a big turn-off. And no matter how great someone seems, never be anxious to call or meet someone too soon. Let the anonymity of the internet and the dating site you have joined, allow you the time to really get to know someone before taking such a huge step.

What’s the rush anyway? Taking it slow can be a really enjoyable way to build the relationship. If you enter this territory too soon you may just find that this person was totally wrong for you and oops, they now have your home phone number and won’t leave you alone! Likewise, you should probably see it as a warning sign if someone is too anxious or pushy about meeting you. This could mean you will end up with a stalker, or a scammer or just someone who is overly needy. Trust me – none of these things are what you are looking for at this stage in your life.

We’ve all tweaked the truth just a little now and then – it’s human nature – and it would be unrealistic to think people didn’t do it online to enhance their prospects. But taking your time and being a bit of a detective before meeting up will increase your chances of spotting a liar.

Have a good read of their profile and look for any obvious inconsistencies. For example, they may describe themselves as a fun-loving night owl; so how come they ask you never to call them after 6pm? If you don’t trust someone, don’t be afraid to be a little challenging. Genuine people will, on the whole, understand you being a little cautious and won’t be bothered by it.

Another faux pas to make is sending mail to the wrong person, which can be embarrassing! If you have several prospects going on simultaneously (and most people do) keep a careful record of them, and never go online if you’re very tired or have had a little too much to drink!

Last but most important – don’t be shy! You may think that the person you like best is way out of your league but how will you know unless you go for it and see! After all, in the world of Senior Dating, my motto is “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Who knows? You could soon be laughing together over a steamy cappuccino.