I’ve had a letter from a woman named Lynne who recently had a bad experience with one particular online senior dating site and is throwing in the towel. I’m not going to quote Lynne’s letter directly as it contains a lot of personal information, but she lost her husband a while ago after a long and happy marriage.
Lynne, I was touched by your email. I believe that when you’ve had as wonderful a married life as you’ve had, it would be extremely difficult to find that again. You were very lucky indeed because with a staggering divorce rate of over 50% in North America, you certainly beat the odds with a 33 year marriage. Together, you found the magic that so many wish for, but sadly the relationship ended with your husband’s death. Now you are alone with no children or close family to help you face the health challenges which makes your whole situation seem even more unfair.
You encountered some pretty shallow men when you recently attempted online dating but I have to say that the website you visited is not one that I would recommend to seniors looking for anything serious, in a partner or companion. There will be a few scammers and players lurking on most dating websites, but any site that has “millionaire” or anything to do with money in its name would make me particularly wary. It’s no wonder that the kind of men you met were nothing like your late husband and that your attempt to try online dating failed miserably. Now you feel determined to give up on online dating altogether, and I get it.
Sadly, scammers are a fact of life on the Internet, and anyone who tells you otherwise is not living in the real world. That’s why I try to help people spot the signs to avoid being taken advantage of. I get hundreds of letters from people telling me how they spotted the scammers a mile away after reading some of the articles on my site, and I feel a great sense of pride in knowing I was able to help them make good judgement calls.
If only all online senior daters could learn some of these tips before beginning their online dating journey, I think a lot of trouble could be prevented and people could just have fun. Consider my advice like putting on a hat or sunscreen before going out on a sunny day – it will help keep you from getting burned!
Choosing the right kind of site is one dilemma but there is another important issue that you seem to be struggling with. This is a question that many of us face at one time or another in our lives when we find ourselves suddenly alone: Is a relationship always necessary for us to feel fulfilled and validated in life?
There is no easy answer to this question, Lynne, and it will be different for each individual. The common thread of the majority of people that find my site is that, like you, they have been in long term relationships and are either divorced or widowed later in life. Some people may feel incredibly lonely as they face this difficult adjustment. For them, it may be a major priority to find a partner to fill that void.
Others will see this as the first opportunity in their life to do all the things they always wanted to do for themselves, without having to consider anyone else. It may be travelling, going back to school, moving to a different part of the world, volunteering on a crisis hotline or even adopting a pet. Either way, most of the readers that find themselves here generally are ready to embark on the online senior dating journey and I believe that there is a right time for everything in life.
Lynne, you are only 62 years old (that’s pretty young actually) and I’m sure your late husband would want you to carry on and find happiness, just like you would have wanted that for him if the situation were reversed. However, at this point in your life you have to deal with one thing at a time and put your health crisis above everything else at the moment. I believe that is the only way you can actually work towards achieving the happiness that you desire and deserve.
My wish for you is that you take stock of your life now and try to put things in perspective. Think back with happiness on all you have had and the great experiences in your life, and try not to focus on the negative stuff and what you have lost.
You obviously have a strong spiritual side and you can seek support for what you are going through from a church, a support group or social club. Seek and you will find, Lynne. There are many resources out there to help you and you could even develop some worthwhile friendships in the process.
Try to get out and do some of the things that make you feel good and surround yourself with positive people. That will help you see things with more clarity and help you make positive decisions about your future. I wish you all the best.