I had an interesting email this week from a reader who finds herself in a dilemma that some of you may also be able to relate to.
Dorothy met Harry on a senior dating site over a year ago and they have developed very strong feelings for each other. What makes their situation difficult is that they live in different parts of the country, and they have not been able to meet yet. They are planning on meeting for the first time in person and Dorothy will be going to visit Harry for a few days. The problem is that Harry is pressuring Dorothy to move in together (even though they haven’t met yet) which also means that one of them would have to relocate across the country. She deeply cares for Harry, but is terrified of making such a huge commitment this early on in the game without allowing time to really get to know each other – but she doesn’t want to lose the relationship either.
Ok – so the way I see it Dorothy, is that there are two separate issues here.
First off, I have no doubt that you have deep feelings for Harry. You’ve spent many hours together online and on the phone and he has become a big part of your life. The intensity of emotion that you can feel under these circumstances can be incredible and there is no question that these are real feelings. This, however, is not real life.
Knowing someone online (even for a year or more) does not mean you really know them – even if you have spent hours on the phone talking until the sun comes up. Until you’ve spent a good amount of physical time together – seeing the way he interacts with other people (both in his life and in yours) and finding out how compatible you are, you cannot decide if he is someone that you can share your life with. Read more…